The Kimono Siege
by FlaxenHairedSamurai
Summary: It was the campaign that would cement his name in history, the act of capturing a castle with a mere sixteen men and no casualties. It had served not only as a lesson to Tatsuoki, but a warning against growing complacent. Hanbei only had one problem with it. Why hadn't he kept a better eye on the kimono?


**Yeah, I'm bad at setting a writing schedule. This came about as a result of mine and Fortune's chatter about Hanbei's SW3 opening and where he managed to get such a nice kimono. If you enjoyed this, may I please recommend our crossover fic between Sengoku Basara and Samurai Warriors? **

**I own nothing as usual.**

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><p>It was the campaign that would cement his name in history, the act of capturing a castle with a mere sixteen men and no casualties. It had served not only as a lesson to Tatsuoki, but a warning against growing complacent. Hanbei only had one problem with it.<p>

Why hadn't he kept a better eye on the kimono?

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><p>"You've got to admit it," Hanbei frowned, watching another maid heading for Lord Tatsuoki's room, a sake kettle hanging from her hand. "Lord Tatsuoki's not what you'd call a warlord."<p>

"Talk like that will get you killed." Mitsuhide chided gently, his own distaste hidden under his usual mask. "Even so, I must agree."

Turning to face the samurai, Hanbei settled for shaking his head. For him to deride and poke fun at Tatsuoki was normal fare, but a retainer as loyal as Mitsuhide? These truly were troubled times.

The pair exchanged pleasantries for a little while longer, before Mitsuhide had to leave for training, and Hanbei proceeded for his daily walk. The hours he spent outside earned their time through the dual purpose they served, namely keeping Oyu off his back about getting enough fresh air (it's not like he was sick, right?) and it allowed him to mull over the current situation.

It was no secret that Nobunaga Oda had his eye on Mino. The many unsuccessful attacks he had already attempted proved it. With that hanging over all their heads, the Saito could not be weak, could not afford to be weak. There were snakes hiding in every corner of the castle, some with venom, some without, but all preparing their bite. Tatsuoki had to understand that just because he could have a life filled with women and booze, didn't mean he should sweep everything else to the side.

Hanbei didn't want to see the castle lost, even for all the disdain he held for its lord. Not just for Lady Noh, who would not be impressed at her nephew's failings. Not even for his little sister, who only lived there because Hanbei had wanted to keep her safe from the times and the sadness they brought. If Oda attacked and the clan were unprepared, hundreds of innocents could be killed, and all because of one man's foolishness.

"Excuse me."

The woman passed without another word, heading down the hallway to Tatsuoki's rooms, this one carrying a tray of sweetmeats. Her appearance, brief as it was, brought a plan to Hanbei's ever scheming mind.

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><p>So daring was the plot that Hanbei was initially reluctant to even mention it to anyone else. And then came the meeting.<p>

It was long, it was boring and it was mostly Tatsuoki preening like the peacock he truly was. Hanbei had been trying to get some sleep, worn out from planning the counterattack they'd used against Oda as well as fighting himself. He'd just been using Mitsuhide's shoulder pad as a pillow, when the head od the Saito clan began to dig his own grave.

"Of course, our army's numbers are enough to scare even the Oda. We could charge at them with no strategy and still win!"

_That _certainly caught Hanbei's attention. Continuing, Tatsuoki seemed genuinely unaware of how his words seemed to be affecting the rest of the room. Hanbei was tensing hard between Mitsuhide and Morinari, both of whom were far from relaxed themselves. For their part, several of the other retainers also seemed uncomfortable, thinking of how Hanbei's plans had again and again prevented Oda's men from getting past the gates, letting the rest of the castle's residents stay inside without fearing for their lives.

Or perhaps they were merely wary of the dark look the strategist was flinging at their Lord. A look that promised retribution in the rawest form, and set the retainers into paranoia mode.

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><p>The unease grew only larger, with Hanbei refusing to leave his rooms even when his sister began to pester him. Whenever she visited, with company or food, he would hastily cover the numerous papers littering his surfaces and nibble as he scrawled, giving only the most basic of answers. By the time Hanbei reappeared, Mitsuhide had considered going in there to drag him out to reassure Oyu of his health.<p>

Not that he was entirely in character. His first port of call had been the kitchen, but after that he went straight to Morinari, and asked him to call a meeting between them and fifteen others that Hanbei was confident in. After that, he set Oyu's mind at ease, visiting her rooms for over an hour before he'd had to depart, intent on being on time for his own meeting.

Once the door was closed behind him, Hanbei immediately turned to Morinari, "No one suspects anything?"

"If anyone enters, we're having a mini Go tournament." Morinari replied, motioning to the table where there was indeed a board set up, the pieces already in what appeared to be a fierce game. Thinking slightly, Hanbei quickly made a move, putting the black pieces ahead by a few points.

Satisfied, he then sat before the assembled men, nodding to his brother Shigenori, as well as the few retainers that both he and Morinari though suitable for the plan. Anticipation running through their veins, several leaned forward, listening with bright eyes as Hanbei cleared his throat,

"Gentlemen, we're taking the castle."

Sitting back to lean on his hands, the strategist gauged their reactions. Morinari looked horrified, Shigenori intrigued, and the rest an odd mixture of the two. Finally, one of them found their voice: "H-How?"

"Oh well that part's simple. Shigenori, how's your cough doing?"

"What does that have to do with anything?" Hanbei merely raised an eyebrow, causing his brother to sigh, "It's doing much better."

"Damn, we'll have to get it worse again. Or at least, make it seem worse."

"Hanbei, what do you think you're doing?" Morinari spluttered, slamming his hand onto the table. A few of the Go pieces moved, put back into place by Shigenori, who had been playing against a friend prior. "This is treason!"

"I prefer to call it education. Tatsuoki needs to see things from our point of view. From _their _point of view." Hanbei gestured at his retainers, growing slightly pink. "One charge against the Oda, with no thought whatsoever may repel them for a day, but our losses will become so high that even a group of bandits could take us out!"

"That's a little exaggerated," Shigenori piped up, settling back into silence at his brother's look. You didn't argue with a sleepy Hanbei (He'd answer in his sleep and still win) or an angry Hanbei (He would fight long and hard for his point, even if it made him ill).

"And you intend to do this through causing more loss?" Morinari whispered, settling back into his seat, blinking when Hanbei shook his head.

"That's just it, I've found a way to do it without spilling so much as a drop of blood. Well," He turned to look at his retainers, "We're going to need some cow's blood at least."

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><p>His plan had gone off flawlessly. His men staged a hunting accident, with Shigenori returning to the castle covered in blood, and coughing pathetically for his siblings and father. Their father being somewhat unreachable, Hanbei and Oyu hurried to his bedside, none of the guards on duty looking twice at the grieving pair.<p>

Bandaged well by his 'physician', and looking worse the wear for his returning cough, Shigenori could only watch in fascination as Hanbei donned his disguise. Once they were sure that the guard had changed, Mitsuhide came to escort Oyu back to her rooms for the night, reassuring her all the while of Shigenori's survival chances (All in attendance at the meeting had agreed that Mitsuhide should not be involved in the plan, for fear that he would be unable to carry out his part) unaware that Morinari had also come to collect Oyu, this time waiting for the guards to give the correct signal.

Once given, Morinari spirited Hanbei upstairs to Tatsuoki's rooms, both men spared a pained glance at each other at the sound of women's laughter, and Tatsuoki's painfully unfunny jokes. Steeling himself for what he was about to do, Morinari tapped on the screen and opened it slightly, "Lord Tatsuoki?"

"Eh, what is it?"

Wonderfully, Hanbei frowned, Tatuoki was drunk already. "There's someone who wished to speak to you my Lord."

"I will hear no talk of war!" Not trusting himself to look, Hanbei kept his eyes down, despite the urge to look up at the sound of a cup being refilled. It was now or never, if Morinari so much as thought this would go wrong, it would.

"It is a woman my Lord."

From there, Hanbei could begin to track where things went rapidly south. For him at least. Tatsuoki had immediately perked up at the sight of this unknown woman and her wish to remain veiled, so much so that he had pulled 'her' into the room and let Morinari close the door on them. At that point, he'd revealed himself, reminded Tatsuoki of the meeting and had moved to the window to pour the sake out of the kettle. Well, after 'knocking out' a few of his own retainers and just plain teasing the terrified Tatsuoki, but that was just showing off.

No. it was as he was pouring the sake out that _Hanbei _got distracted. An army gathering on the banks outside of your castle will do that for a guy, so he let it slide. After all, he'd just taken a castle with no bloodshed (barring the cow) and one of his strategies would cover for the brief lapse in concentration.

However, no strategy, no excuse he could think of could even come close to the problem Hanbei faced when he looked to see what Tatsuoki's answer was. The former Lord of the castle was gone and with him...Oyu's brand new kimono that she hadn't even worn yet. Face falling, Hanbei reassured himself that Shigenori would continue the clan's name, depending on how and if he survived his little sister's wrath.

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><p>Totting up the battle's losses, as well as meeting with his new boss Hideyoshi, Hanbei had let himself relax. A dangerous move when a Takenaka is about. The door to his rooms opened, Oyu waiting there patiently. Barely stopping in his thought train, Hanbei waved her in, finishing up his sentence so they could talk. "Lord Tatsuoki escaped." She sighed, looking over the battle logs. "Nobody knows how, but he did."<p>

"Guess he has a brain after all huh?" Hanbei smirked, putting his brush back on the rest. "I wouldn't let it bother you. Did you hear about my new job?"

"How could I not? Mitsuhide came to find me after the battle to deliver the news. Congratulations!" Clapping her hands together, Oyu suddenly remembered what she had originally come for. "By the way, what happened to my kimono? Lord Morinari says he hasn't seen it since you left for battle." Freezing, Hanbei went to open his mouth to deliver an excuse, but was beaten to it by Shigenori, who had thankfully been walking nearby.

"Oh Oyu, I expect you wouldn't know. One of the fire arrows missed and got caught by the wind. It set fire to Tatsuoki's room upstairs." Silently thanking the gods above for splitting the brains and quick responses across the family, Hanbei nearly choked upon realising Oyu also had that gene.

"Really? Just one arrow out of a whole army got caught by a wind-which must've been very mild considering the lovely weather-and just happened to hit the exact room my kimono was in?"

Shigenori's eyes widened, looking to his elder brother for help. Holding his hands up a little, Hanbei claimed there was nothing he could do. That was when Oyu released one of her lesser known, but very effective talents. Looking to the floor, she let her shoulders shake, and small gasps to escape her. "It's okay, I understand you were busy at the time."

Groaning inwardly, Hanbei reached out a hand to comfort her, but was cruelly denied with a turn of her body. Looking to Shigenori for help, he received the same gesture he had just given, just as the first few tears hit the tatami, "I wanted to wear it for your birthday feast!"

"Oyu, please, I'll buy you a new one!"

"No, you might wreck that one too!"

Running a hand down his face, Shigenori watched through his fingers at each offer Hanbei gave, which was matched perfectly by Oyu's response. Really they were quite a pair to watch. "Uh, Hanbei?" Morinari interrupted, holding a silk bundle. "Is this a bad time?" He added, spotting Oyu's tears on the floor.

"No, just a bit of family drama this time. What's wrong?"

"One of the scouts found this on the perimeter." Morinari shook out the material, revealing the very garment Oyu had just been mourning. Biting back a cheer, Hanbei turned her head so she could see it, celebrating the return of his dignity. Really, if that had gotten out... Then he realised Morinari was smirking.

"Didn't I mention? Lord Oda wondered why it was so important, and one of the women that Tatsuoki had been ah, conversing with whilst you were in there recognised it. In front of your new colleagues I might add."

Suddenly, Hanbei wondered whether it was too late to live out the Sengoku Period in seclusion, where no one would ever know about what became known within the Takenaka family as the Kimono Siege.

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><p><strong>And done! Please review :)<strong>


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